Saving Grace
by MissAnnBlack
Summary: Hermione and Ron are together at the beginning, but something happens that tears the Golden Trio apart for good. She becomes completely broken, but will Draco be able to teach her, show her how worthy she truly is? WARNING: RAPE but easily passed over.
1. Chapter 1: Same Old, Same Old

**A/N: Thanks to PTB for beta-ing this chapter for me! Thanks also to those who pushed me to write this story. Mandy, Rachel, I love you! **

**This story takes place six years after the last book. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing *tear*! I only own the plot. JK owns the characters. :( :( :( **

**Remember: Reviews are like having Draco in my bed at night! **

"I had a great time tonight, Ron. Thank you," I said as we walked out of the restaurant he had taken me to for our six year anniversary. We had been together ever since that first kiss in the Chamber of Secrets during the war. Never would I have thought Ron and I would be together, but Merlin must have listened to my heart. I had been in love with Ronald Weasley since the day I met him.

"Of course, love. You know I would do anything for you – even if that means eating food I hate," he replied with a glint in his eye.

I couldn't help the chuckle that rose from my throat. Ron enjoyed making fun of my love for Muggle food. Muggles and Wizarding folk certainly had a different way of cooking it. For some reason I couldn't fathom, food tasted better prepared by hand instead of Molly's preferred way of preparing it-by wand. "Well, you put up with my barmy ideas very well. I love you."

"I love you, too, Hermione, which is why I've got something to say." He retrieved something out of his Muggle jacket I had bought for him just for that night. In the dark of the night, I couldn't see what exactly he had, but I had a good idea when he sank to one knee. "'Mione, I can't believe it's been six years tonight since we became a couple, since I finally had the bollocks to tell you how I felt about you. I never would have thought it would be next to that awful basilisk skeleton, but apparently Merlin thought differently.

"In six years, I have come to realize even more how wonderful you are. I've realized that I would be honored to be able to spend the rest of my life with you, to wake up next to you every morning. Could I have the privilege of calling you my wife?" Slowly, he opened the small box he had in his hand.

My teary eyes traveled down from his face to the box. There, within the blue satin fabric of the box, was a very old looking ring. A small ruby sat amidst four smaller diamonds on a yellow gold band. It was absolutely gorgeous.

"The – the ring has been handed down through my family. It was originally bought by my great-great-great grandfather for his girlfriend when he was p-p-proposing. I-If it's not alright, I can buy you your own."

He was so adorable when he was nervous. With a smile, I placed a hand on his face. "No, I'm just shocked. I wasn't expecting this." I paused to take a deep breath, trying to calm myself. A chuckle left me as I said, "Of course I'll marry you, you silly bugger."

Excitedly, he jumped up and wrapped me in the tightest hug I had ever felt from him, and twirled me around in a circle, laughing. He set me down and just held me for what felt like hours.

As we walked around my apartment later that evening, I was so happy. I couldn't wait to be able to tell everyone. I was going to be Mrs. Hermione Weasley! Nothing could have made me happier.

I could picture it – walking around our house, being together forever, sitting on the porch of our home in wizard London when we're old and gray. It made me even happier to think about it. I would have to start planning our wedding bright and early tomorrow. Thankfully, I worked at the bookstore on Diagon Alley. There would be plenty of material to look at.

A visit to the Weasley home was definitely in order for the weekend. Molly would help me with the planning, and maybe she could even make my dress for me. Maybe Ginny, Ron's sister, would help out, too.

As I worked the next day, all I could think about was marrying Ron. I was so excited. Finally, my dreams seemed within reach.

Ron and I would need to sit down, once married, and talk about where we wanted to live, what house to live in, and make a plan to get to those dreams. Then, we would need to discuss children. Of course, we couldn't have them right away! We were so far from being ready; money needed to be saved, that dream house moved into and settled, a nursery decorated. How many children would we even have? Would he expect us to have as many as his family did?

Just as I started to get nervous, my heart beginning to pound in my ears, the bell above the door rang, signaling a customer's arrival. Somehow, I kept the groan from escaping me. Now was not the time for a customer. I had a wedding to plan, a future to worry about. Customers were not wanted.

This wasn't just a customer, though; this was Harry. He was like a brother to me. Ron, Harry, and I had been through school together and had become friends fast. Since we had graduated from Hogwarts, we had kept in touch. We didn't always see each other, but that never mattered. Owls were always being sent back and forth between us.

I smiled as we stepped toward each other. Wrapping me in a hug as tight as a bear, Harry brought me the comfort I needed. It was a skill that had embodied him since he was young. He used to be an insecure boy but that never stopped him from being a comfort to others around him.

We walked over toward the sitting area and began to catch up, since there wasn't anyone else in the store. It had been a month since we had last talked. "So, Harry, how are things going in the Auror Office?" I asked as I poured us tea.

"Good! We found some Death Eaters hiding out near Birmingham. They made themselves look like Muggles, but they couldn't hide. Our intelligence was spot on. It would have taken a nutter to miss them at any rate."

I was so happy things were going so well for him. It still made me uneasy that even though it had been six years since the war ended and Voldemort died, there were still Death Eaters out there doing his work. It proved the point that even though the leader was gone, his ideals weren't. Those that believed most strongly in the evil wizard's plans were the ones I feared the most. Those were the ones that were the fiercest, most cutthroat, most bloodthirsty, and scariest.

"We had to take a team of ten just to take out a handful of them. It's assumed that these were some of Voldemort's highest ranking; they were very skilled. A lot of us got hurt that day."

My head bowed at this. I knew what he was trying to tell me. He didn't even have to say the words, but he did.

"I wish you would reconsider. We could really use you as a Healer. It would sure make things better."

"Harry, you know I don't want that life. It's bad enough that I have to worry about you getting hurt. I don't want to see it firsthand. I couldn't bear having to see your wounds fresh. It would probably drive me insane more than the worry does."

He grabbed my hand, trying to emphasize his point. "I miss not being able to see that beautiful smile of yours every day, and I hate not knowing how things are going with you. Can't you do this one thing for me? Can't you let me have this one little thing for my peace of mind, to know that you're okay?"

"Harry, you know why I can't! I can't just run away from everything I love."

"What would you have to give up? You love Healing! You love saving people's lives. You wouldn't have to leave Ron or your books. So what's the problem?"

"The problem is: I don't want to be a Healer as a profession. I love working with books. That's what I want to do with my life, Harry. I want to be here, in this store, every day, smelling the books, being surrounded by them. Why do you have to do this all the time? Accept what I want, Harry, or you can leave." So much for being calmed by The Boy Who Lived. He had successfully aggravated me more than anything else had.

"Alright. Alright. I'll drop it for now, but you have to realize, 'Mione, that you were meant for more than this. You were meant for great things. The greatest witch in our year is wasting her talents in a bookstore instead of saving lives."

"Maybe I don't feel like I was meant to save lives, Harry. I like who I am and what I do. That should be enough." Frustrated, I got up and walked behind the counter. I began rifling papers and looking like I had things to do. Truth be told, I did love working in a bookstore, but it could get very boring. Very often, there were days when hours went by without a customer. Why couldn't that day have been one of those days?

"Fine. We'll drop it. Waste your talents if you want to, but I won't stop asking you. Now, Ginny's wanting everyone to get together at the Weasley house to celebrate this weekend. It's the sixth anniversary of Voldemort's fall. Are you and Ron going to come by?"

A light of hope ignited inside me. This was perfect. We could announce the engagement this weekend, and Molly and I would be able to talk about it. How could I have forgotten what that weekend was?

"Of course we'll be there. We have some news of our own to deliver and the party will be the perfect place. We may want to keep any and all wands away from Fred and George though," I said with a chuckle. I loved my soon-to-be brother-in-laws but they could get out of hand at a party.

We had almost lost Fred in the final battle, but I had somehow saved him. I'm still not sure what I did right that day; to me it was just a miracle that he pulled through. Since then, none of us took for granted that we were all alive and well.

That one instance helped seal the deal for me. I had always wanted to be a Healer but when we almost lost Fred, I decided that I needed to stay as far from battle as I could. The knowledge of magical healing stayed fresh in my mind, however. In fact, I studied it constantly. I still had a love for it. I just refused to get caught up in a battle any longer.

Harry used Fred's almost-death to tell me often how badly I was needed at the Ministry for situations just like that. Every time someone didn't make it, he would reference Fred and tell me I could have saved that poor soul.

Why did I remain friends with Harry? I asked myself that on a daily basis. He meant well, but sometimes he went about things the worst way possible. I couldn't fault him for wanting to save his co-workers, but I just couldn't do it.

As he walked out of the store, I couldn't help but be thankful that it was over. The ridicule for my choices in life was over for now. Hopefully it wouldn't be this bad when we saw the Weasleys in just a few days.


	2. Chapter 2:Will You Have My Baby?

**A/N: I want to thank the lovely ladies at PTB for not only getting this chapter back to me so quickly, but, also, for saying such nice things about it. Their words were some of the kindest I have ever received, so I wanted to take a moment to thank them. They are awesome. If you are looking for betas, I would definitely suggest them! **

**Remember: Reviews are better than waking up to a naked Draco every morning!**

We apparated to just outside the Weasley home door on Saturday afternoon. Without knocking, we walked into the house. Even after over ten years, it still surprised me that Molly could keep such a patch-worked house so neat and clean. How did she always find time to clean when she had seven kids? It never failed to shock me how much dedication she had to being the perfect mother and wife.

A loud pop in front of me and the sudden sight of two comical redheads scared a yelp out of me. When my heart calmed enough for me to move, I smacked the culprits on their arms. "Don't do that!" I exclaimed. Trust the twins to be there to test the strength of your heart!

Cocky grins spread across their faces as they laughed at me. "You should have seen your face, Hermione!" George said through his laughter.

"Yeah, I almost thought you were going to have a heart attack that time," Fred said.

I hit them again and began walking through the house on a mission to find the others, not paying attention to who was following.

Ron rushed up beside me and grabbed my hand. Leaning into me, he whispered in my ear, "We won't stay long, I promise. We just have to stay long enough to eat." As if on cue, I heard his stomach rumble softly.

"No, I want to stay. I love your family. Your brothers just get on my nerves sometimes," I said softly with a small chuckle. "They'll never grow up, will they?"

Ron let out a soft chuckle and shook his head. It was sad that Ron was the younger, but seemed to be so much more mature than his brothers.

"Hey, Hermione, our brother is being good to you, yeah?" I didn't turn to find out which twin was talking.

"Ya know, if he's not, there's much better Weasley blood over here," the other twin said. "Two for the price of one, ya know."

I rolled my eyes, though they couldn't see it. For years I had been trying to get it through their thick skulls that I wasn't interested in them. It never seemed to sink in, however.

Walking into the kitchen of the patchwork home, I found Molly and Ginny at the sink. "Hey, ladies!" I said to them, making them turn toward me.

Molly grabbed the bottom of her apron, dried her hands, and came to hug me. "How are you, Hermione? You haven't been around for so long."

"I'm doing great. I've just been working a lot."

"You work too hard."

I had the feeling there was more she wanted to say, but she was cut off by Harry's voice. "Don't let her lie to you, Molly. There's hardly ever anyone in that bookstore."

_How dare he?,_ I thought,_ Who was this person standing behind Molly? My best friend would never treat me this way. Why? Why was he becoming such an arse? _Instead of voicing my judgments, I decided to just glare at him.

Harry smirked at me and went to hug Ginny. I was beginning to worry about him.

Over the past few weeks, he had changed so much. He had gone from a fun-loving man to a petty little boy, from someone I could confide in to someone I shrunk away from, a friend to foe. _How? Why would this happen? What was happening? Would I ever understand? Did I truly want to? _

Later, sitting at the table, the same questions were running through my head. Harry kept staring at me. _Did I have something in my teeth?_ For the millionth time during that meal, I ran my tongue along my teeth to check.

"So, Ron," Fred said at one point, "have any more dreams of dancing with McGonagall?" They really never would let him forget Professor McGonagall making Ron dance with her during practice for the Yule Ball during fourth year.

Ron proceeded to turn the darkest shade of red I had seen him in a long time. He had hated that day. So embarrassed was he by the professor's choice in student.

Coming to Ron's rescue, I said to the twins, "Oi, have you two turned yourselves into 80-year-old men to try to enter a tournament?"

The table fell silent. All of us knew not to say anything about their antics to enter the TriWizard Tournament because Molly knew nothing about it. All eyes were on her to see what her reaction would be. It wasn't pretty.

"Excuse me? What tournament?"

"Um, nothing, Mrs. Weasley. I was just pulling their legs."

We could tell that she didn't buy it, but thankfully she chose to leave it alone. I looked up and Harry was once again staring at me.

Ron placed his hand on my thigh. Did he sense the uneasiness that had settled over me under Harry's gaze? He whispered in my ear, "Wanna tell them now?"

A smile came over my face, realizing what he was talking about. Somehow in the midst of the afternoon, I had forgotten that we weren't only here to celebrate Voldemort's fall, but also to tell his family about our engagement.

"We have an announcement," I said gaining everyone's attention. Looking at Ron, I felt as though everything would be alright. "The other night, Ronald asked me to marry him." I turned back to the rest of the family. "I said yes!" I shouted as I showed them the ring that I had somehow kept hidden.

Everyone jumped up. The ladies ran to me and gave me hugs, while the men clapped Ron on the back. Congratulations were said in the Weasley way – loud! The only one not congratulating us was Harry. I noticed him standing away from the group of Weasleys hugging both of us, looking like he wanted to stun something.

After a few minutes of my trying to figure out what was wrong with him, he looked up and noticed my staring. All of a sudden his whole demeanor changed. He looked to be back to the old Harry. A large smile crossed his face and he ran over to us. "I'm so happy for you guys. Why didn't you tell me when I was at the store, 'Mione?" He hugged us and acted like everything was alright. Meanwhile I felt like the world was spinning. What was going on with him?

No one else seemed to notice these changes in him, though. It was like they all had blinders on and I was the only one seeing clearly. How was I the only one who could see it? Why was I the only one worried about him?

Things began to calm down and we all sat back down at the table to finish eating. Everyone was talking at once. At least three conversations were going on simultaneously. I tried to only listen to the one person talking to me – Molly.

"Have the both of you decided on a date yet?" she asked me.

"No. We've talked about it a little, but we haven't decided on anything yet. We're trying to decide between Christmas or our anniversary next year, May 18th."

"Well, I vote for the Christmas wedding! A whole year is just too long to wait. Christmas is only seven months away – which is still too long, but better than a whole year. I want grandbabies sooner rather than later!"

I chuckled at her excitement but shook my head. "No, we won't be having babies for a while yet. Besides, I'm thinking one is plenty."

Ron chose that moment to butt into the conversation. "What's wrong with more than one kid? And why should we wait to have them?"

I turned to him. "I just don't want a lot of kids, and I think we need to get some things in order in our lives before we start a family."

"What things? What's wrong with our lives now?"

No doubt sensing a fight beginning, Molly stood and started gathering plates. "Who's ready for dessert? Hermione, come into the kitchen and help me get the pie."

I glared at Ron, but let the subject go; choosing instead to do as Molly asked, to help her in the kitchen. The conversation was by no means over, just postponed. I wouldn't let him think that my feelings on this matter didn't mean anything or had no bearing on our future.

As we apparated to my apartment later that evening, I was still upset by the almost-argument with Ron. We walked into my small home, and I dropped my purse on the table near the door and my jacket on the hook.

The rest of the time spent at the Weasley's home was hard to say the least. I worked hard to keep my anger from showing, but I'm sure I wasn't successful. It ate at me. I was so mad that I couldn't begin to think of anything else.

"Alright, 'Mione. Out with it! What's eating at you?" Ron sounded exasperated. I hated knowing I had upset him, but he had to understand that he needed to consider my opinions in things, not just blow them off.

"Why do you think anything's wrong with me?" I said, deciding to just act like nothing was wrong. If he could do it, then so could I.

"Come off it, Hermione. I know something's wrong. Hell, I think my whole family knows I'm getting an earful tonight."

"Fine! You wanna know what's wrong with me?" I screamed, whipping around to face him, throwing my arms out to my side. "Fine! I believe that we should wait to have children. We're not ready yet."

Ron looked confused. "Who says we aren't ready yet? We're adults, aren't we? We understand what responsibility comes from having kids. So what's the problem?" He sat on the sofa as if nothing was wrong, kicked back, one ankle on the other knee, arms extended along the back of the furniture. _How could he act as if nothing was going on but casual conversation? _

"The problem is that babies cost money – money that we don't have. We can barely support ourselves. How can we expect to support another mouth to feed? I don't make much money at the store and you aren't making much money at the joke shop with your brothers."

"Who cares? Mum and Dad didn't have much money but they had seven kids!"

"I care! I don't want to be a laughing stock in the wizarding community. I want our family to be respected and that's not going to happen if they have to hand down their robes to each other. It's not going to happen if the house – that we don't have by the way – is all patched together."

His face fell and I realized what I had said. I felt horrible for making his family look bad. How could I do that to him? How could I say that?

"So that's what this is really about, huh? You're embarrassed to be with me. You can't stand being with a Weasley." He leaned forward toward me and his eyes bore into me.

"No, Ron, that's not it. I'm just saying that before we have a child we need to be financially ready, and have a big enough house. I'm not saying that your family is bad or that I'm embarrassed by you."

He just continued to sit there and stare at me. I began to squirm under his gaze and felt my heart falling as tears welled into his eyes.

"Ron, I love you. I want to marry you. Please understand that I didn't mean any of that about your family. I'm not embarrassed by you." I took a step toward him and fell to my knees in front of him. "I love you. Not for how much money you have, but for you, who you are, what you do to me inside. You have to understand that."

"No. No I don't, Hermione." His hand slipped inside his robes and he withdrew his wand. With a flick of his wrist, he was gone.

I was left alone with all my demons, all my guilt. How could I have made such a mess of things? Why did I say that to him? Why would I ever say things like that? It's not like I really am embarrassed by him. I'm not.

With a sigh, I sat on the sofa where Ron had just been. I could only hope that maybe he could forgive me for the mess I had made. If not, I don't know what I would do without him.


	3. Chapter 3: Left For Dead

**A/N: OK so this is that chapter that I warned you about. In this chapter, there is a rape occurring. Now, no need to worry as I have made it all italicized. Therefore, if you would rather not read it, you don't need to. During that section, all thoughts will be in regular text.**

**The reason I felt it necessary to include the rape and not just say "this character was raped", is that you, the reader, need to understand how horrible this was for the character, how it affected her, and what happened during it. However, if you so choose, you can skip it. You just won't understand full how seriously the character was affected. **

**I want to say thank you to the betas that braved this chapter and helped me make it better. The amazing betas at PTB are always looking for new chapters to check. Be sure to check them out if you need their assistance.**

**Also, I wanted to thank all the wonderful reviewers who said such kind things about the last chapter. I truly appreciate it. **

**If you want to know more about me, or learn where you can find me other than here, be sure to check out my profile. I own a fic site for adults that focuses on HP and Twilight. You can find the link to that on my profile as well. **

As I walked down the road in Diagon Alley to Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes a week after the family dinner, I was still upset over what I'd said to Ron. He hadn't spoken to me since that night.

I knew when I said it that I was wrong. _How could I say that? What would drive a person to say something they knew would cut so deep? _I surely didn't know the answer to these questions, but I knew that I had to apologize. There was one problem: Ron wouldn't talk to me. So many times I had tried to contact him, but he avoided me at all costs. Owls were rerouted back to me. When I went to his apartment, his door was unseen to me, which I am sure he had help with. It was crazy the lengths he had gone to to shut me out.

It was my only wish that he wouldn't shut me out tonight. I wasn't leaving the shop until he talked to me. Bound and determined was I that I would apologize and end this argument tonight. I wanted to be able to move on with our lives together. How was I supposed to plan a wedding if the groom wouldn't even talk to me?

Slowly, with my head down, I walked in silence. It was just after nine in the evening. The whole of Diagon Alley was deserted at this time of night. Typically, I loved walking the streets when they were this quiet. It allowed me time to think, but tonight, thinking was a bad thing. I couldn't help but put myself down more with every step.

I hated what I had done to Ron, to our relationship. _How could he ever forgive me for what I had said to him? I don't think I would be able to forgive him if the roles were reversed._

Stepping into the alley to take a short cut to the joke shop, I didn't pay attention to anything around me because of the guilt-filled haze that encompassed me. Beating myself up was the only thing that mattered. I never even noticed how dark it was.

_Suddenly, I was thrown into the wall to my right. My face smashed into it. Shock filled my body through my every pore. _What the hell is happening?_ Blood spurted from my nose. Whatever hit me must have pushed me so hard that I broke my nose. _

_ As I cupped my hand under it to catch the blood, I tried to turn to see what was going on. It was useless as someone clutched my shoulder so hard it would bruise. His other hand held a wand to my cheek. I got the point: don't turn around. "Who are you? What do you want? Why are you doing this to me?" I asked to no avail. He remained as quiet as the mice around us._

_ It occurred to me that someone was assaulting me, and I didn't even know who it was. I would probably never know who was hurting me. I just turned back around and set my forehead against the cold stone of the building praying to Merlin that I would make it out of whatever this was alive. _Maybe if I don't move, he won't hurt me.

_My body was shaking with fear as I put my forefinger to the bottom of my nose to try stupidly to stop the rushing blood. With a shaking, raspy voice, I tried to plead with my assailant. "What – what do you want from me? I don't have any money on me. Please just leave me alone."_

_ He didn't answer but yanked my robes from my body. Oh, Merlin. Please don't let him be planning to rape me. PLEASE! I can't take it. His hands were rough as they found their way to the back of my neck. He was strong. I couldn't try to run if I wanted to. With his hand on the back of my neck, trying to push me further into the wall, I couldn't see anything but the emptiness at the end of the alley. _

No one is going to find me. This man is going to take everything from me and leave me for dead in this filth._ Tears began rolling down my face as the disparity of the situation hit me. _

_He still hadn't made a sound._ Can he even talk? Was he hit by some weird spell that made him a mute? _None of that mattered as his hands came around to my front. He grabbed the front of my shirt by the buttons and yanked. All the buttons of my favorite shirt went flying. I had only worn it today so I could look good when I groveled to Ron. Now, I'll never be able to where it again. _

_ His hands found my breasts through my bra. They squeezed and pulled at my nipples through the fabric. His movements were so forceful they were painful._

_ That snapped me out of the stupidity I had been sitting in. I wasn't someone that would just sit by while someone raped her! I had to fight no matter how futile it seemed. I was Hermione Granger. I_ _faced a troll in the bathroom of Hogwarts and dozens of Death Eaters. I could face down a rapist! _

_ With my shirt flapping in the wind, I steeled my emotions and determined myself to fight back. I slapped his hand away from me and snapped my head back and tried to hit him in his nose. Unfortunately for me, his head wasn't in the right spot, and he avoided my hit. Instead, he quickly moved his arm up and wrapped it around my throat, cutting off my air, chocking me. A wave of wind hit my nose at his movement. I recognized that smell. _

_ My eyes became large and shock once again encompassed me._ How? Why? _"Harry? Oh my Merlin! Harry?" I rasped and tried again to turn around, to confirm my suspicions, but again he halted my attempts by pushing me into the wall. "Harry, if that is you, you can stop now and nothing will happen. You know this isn't right. OW!" I screamed as his he pulled my hair. _

Why is he doing this to me? How could he do this? _My mind was reeling as I tried to fight against his hold on my hair. I scratched at his hands and tried to pull my hair out of his grip. I felt him wrap it around his hand. It was useless to try to fight against his grip after that. _

What would cause my best friend to act like this? To do something so disgusting?_ As I was thinking, he used my hair as a leash and pushed me over to a stack of boxes. At least I could breathe again! He forced me into a bent over position. He let go of my hair, and I felt something being shoved into the back of my head. I could tell from the feel that it was the end of a wand._

_ "Move, and I'll hex you," I heard a hoarse voice say._ Why is he trying to disguise his voice? I know it's Harry. Why's he trying to hide now?

_ He reached under my skirt with his other hand, and I cringed, almost losing my supper all over the ground of the littered, dirty, mice-inhabited alleyway. I began screaming at the top of my lungs hoping that someone somewhere might hear me and come to my rescue. I screamed for help, but no one was there to hear me. So, no one came. I screamed for Merlin to save me, but he didn't. I wasn't worth anyone's time – even his._

_ Harry grabbed my knickers and yanked them, ripping them down the sides. Letting them fall, I felt his hands come back to my arse. _

_ My knees buckled, and I fell to the ground. I couldn't keep my legs under me as the gravity of what was happening crippled me. I felt hands on my hips that tore my legs from the cold, unforgiving asphalt and forced me back to my feet. _

_ Sobbing, I tried to plea one more time with the rapist that had taken over my long-time friend. "Please. Please don't do this. You can still stop. I know you don't want to do this! PLEASE!" My head fell onto my arms that tried to hold me up from the boxes as I sobbed. _

_ The only response was a push on my back that forced my face into the stinky boxes and a rough "SHUT UP!" _

_ I brought my foot up behind me and tried to hit him in his groin. That didn't work either. Instead of the reward of seeing him writhing on the ground and running for my life, I was hit hard on my back, right in a kidney. I fell forward onto the boxes, crushing some of them, crying harder and cursing myself for being so stupid. _

How did I not see this side of Harry – that he was capable of this? Why didn't I watch my surroundings better when I was walking? Why didn't I take a Muggle self-defense class? Why didn't I … do SOMETHING?_ Every part of my body was beginning to tire. Whether from the exertion of trying to fight and not getting anywhere or the stress of the situation, I didn't know. _

_ He forced himself inside me and it hurt horribly. My virgin body wasn't ready for something to be shoved inside it. I felt myself tear and him moving inside me. My screams of pain seemed to mean nothing to him. He was cold and hardened against my sorrow and my pleas for mercy. _

_ In and out he moved. It seemed like hours since this all began, but was more than likely only mere minutes. _Will it ever be over?_ I continued to cry. Tear after tear ran down my face. Every time I tried to move, he would punch my back._ Will I ever be able to move again? Let alone, trust anything or anyone?

_After he was done, he still kept himself inside me. I felt him lean closer to my ear. "That was better than I had dreamed," he whispered to me, "and I dreamed of it in a lot of different ways over the years."_

I couldn't hold it back anymore. I turned slightly and tossed my supper all over his shoes. That angered him more than anything else, it seemed. He pulled himself out of me and punched me over and over in the face and back. Then he backed away from me. I sighed in relief but it was premature. A spell he had learned years ago, that I had warned him against at the time, was used against me. "SECTUMSEMPRA!" I heard him yell.

My eyes slammed shut as the pain hammered into me multiple times, and I fell to the ground. I could feel knives slicing into my skin. Screams tore from my throat, making it hurt, too. My skin became wet as the blood soaked and spread on my clothing. I heard a loud POP that meant Harry was gone, leaving me to die.

Screaming so loudly began to scratch at my throat making it impossible, after a time, to continue my cries for help. Dry sobs wracked my body. I had no tears left to shed.

As I lay there dying, something occurred to me. It never should have mattered if Ron and I were ready to have kids. It was the fact that we loved each other, that we meant so much to each other. He wanted to have a baby with _me! _Shouldn't that have been enough?

_I guess I'll never know. I'll never be able to tell Ron how much I love him. I am dying and the last thing I said to him was that I was ashamed of him. How horrible is that! _The truth was I wasn't ashamed of him. I just never wanted our children to feel the ridicule from people like Malfoy that we did in school. I wanted to shelter them from that, but I went about it in the wrong way. My fears and concerns cost me not only the man I loved but also my life. I could only hope that one day Ron would forgive me.

If I had not said what I did that day, I would never have been walking that night; I would never have been raped by my best friend. I would have just apparated home. _How am I ever going to get through this? There is no hope. I will die here in filth at the hands of someone I loved. _

"I love you, Ron," I whispered. Just as I lost consciousness, I thought I saw shoes at the end of the alley.


	4. Chapter 4: Living Nightmare

**A/N: Special thanks goes out to the ladies at PTB, who graciously put up with me and help make this story even better. **

**Also, to those who reviewed. I tried to get back to all of you, but if I missed yours, I'm truly sorry. Everyone had such kind things to say about the last chapter. I love you all. Thanks to all those who added this story and I to your alerts lists. I love you all for that. You don't know how much it means to see my name and story on so many alerts and so many reviews.**

**Now, let's find out how Hermione is dealing with what happened to her. Will she run to Ron? Will she crumble? **

It had been two months since my world crumbled. I continued to be amazed and horrified by what had happened to me that day. When I thought about it, I still choked on the air that used to keep me alive, still became sick to my stomach, and tears still poured from the same eyes that used to see the joy in the world, but now only saw grief and horror.

No longer did I find enjoyment in running a book store. Now my heart clenched at the thought of leaving my home every day and being a part of the world for those hours. Where I used to find solace in being surrounded by the words of such knowledgeable people, now I felt like I was in jail. I felt trapped. There was no happiness to be found there anymore.

I had taken a few days off from work claiming to be sick, but at some point, that excuse didn't work any longer. I had to go into the store mere days after the worst experience of my life. Dread would flood me every time the bell would ring about the door. _Is that him? Has he come back to finish me off?_ I would think.

I used to love being home, too, but even that didn't bring me any enjoyment anymore. Being completely alone should have brought me a peace that I used to love feeling, but it didn't anymore. I felt so scared. Every time the dark would fall upon my flat like an avalanche, my nerves would spike. I checked the Muggle locks on the doors and windows at least five times before I could even close my eyes to sleep. Checking and re-checking my locking spells became a habit as well. I had even changed them so no one at all but myself could come in.

Feeling minutely better that _he_ couldn't enter my home, I spent all my time sitting by the fire. For some reason that I could never grasp, I felt better staring into the flames. Fire was the one thing man could never control. He could start it, but he could never fully control it, though he may have the illusion of domination over it.

I guess in some ways I could identify with it. For years, I had been cute little Hermione that everyone understood. I would do the same predictable things day after day, but after what had happened I knew I was spiraling. It felt as if I had no control over myself any longer. I chuckled thinking how if anyone from school saw me now, they would never recognize me. Not in a million years.

Everything about me had changed in such a short amount of time. I never wore skirts, especially bright colored ones. They were always dark in color. I didn't wear buttoned shirts. Only pull-over shirts suited me. The day after Harry violated me, I took my kitchen scissors and chopped my hair off. It was my belief that the next time someone wanted to pull my hair in an attempt to control me, there would be nothing there to hold onto. I had also used a potion to color it. It, too, was black now.

There was nothing about me anymore that people could recognize. I never wanted to be the same push-over Hermione again, but what did it really matter. In the grand scheme of things, what did it matter what I looked like on the outside? Truth was it didn't matter at all. Harry had taught me a very important lesson that day in the alley. I wasn't worth anything. I wasn't worthy of someone's attention. I wasn't worthy of someone to take care of me. I was nothing. At least that was how I felt.

I cried more since that night than I had in my lifetime. Nothing seemed to matter to me anymore. I hadn't seen Ron, let alone any of the Weasleys, in months. There had been no owls, no floo conversations. Nothing. It was as if I didn't matter to them anymore. _Why would they care? They think I'm a cold-hearted bitch, who's ashamed of their son/brother. So, why should they care about me? Why should they care Harry betrayed me? _

_Who was I kidding? How could it matter to them when they had no clue? _I had told no one about what happened that night. Not even the Healers at St. Mungo's.

That night, right before I passed out, I had thought I saw someone's shoes at the end of the alley. Turns out I had. It had been a stranger, who had heard my screams and had come running. Thankfully, he had been right on time. He had taken me directly to St. Mungo's.

I had been unconscious for days afterward. During which time I had been haunted by flashbacks. Time after time I had seen Harry hit me with Sectumsempra. I had felt his hands all over my body. I could smell that alley. When I woke up, I had thought it was all just a horrible nightmare, but, then, I saw where I was, saw the bandages all over my body, and I realized, horrified, that it was all real. He really had done all those things to me.

They had all asked me what happened, but I'd ignored them, choosing instead to stare out the windows and not speak to anyone. I'd feared that if I did speak and I had told the truth about what had happened to me, no one would have believed me. _Who would believe the Savior of the Wizarding World would do something so despicable? _Besides, if I'd talked about it, that would have meant I wasn't crazy and it had all been real. I'd preferred to stay under the delusion that it had all been some mistake my mind had created. Instead, I'd proceeded to implode and cut myself off from everything. I hadn't paid attention to anything the Healers were doing to me.

As I sat in front of the fire, staring without truly seeing, I lifted the bottle to my lips and took a drink. I had lost count already of how many bottles of fire whiskey I had drunk that night. It was my only escape anymore. The only way to get away from that night was to drink all day – from the time I woke up until I passed out. My only hope every day was that I would pass out in my bed and not standing up. So long as I was drunk, that was one of my few concerns.

The flames began to take shape. I began seeing the wall that had broken my nose. In my head, I could hear his breathing, hear him whispering in my ear, feel his arm around my throat and his wand against my head.

_ Suddenly, I was thrown into the wall to my right. My face smashed into it. Shock filled my body through my every pore. _What the hell is happening?_ Blood spurted from my nose. Whatever hit me must have pushed me so hard that I broke my nose. _

_ He yanked my robes from my body. His hands found my breasts through my bra. They squeezed and pulled at my nipples through the fabric. His movements were so forceful they were painful._

The flames began to change into the boxes and I could hear and feel it all over again. The tearing of my knickers. The punches into my back. My back began to ache again where they had landed. I could hear his harsh words, feel his pounding movements within my aching virgin walls.

_He reached under my skirt with his other hand, and I cringed, almost losing my supper all over the ground of the littered, dirty, mice-inhabited alleyway. I began screaming at the top of my lungs, hoping that someone somewhere might hear me and come to my rescue. I screamed for help, but no one was there to hear me. So, no one came. I screamed for Merlin to save me, but he didn't. I wasn't worth anyone's time – not even his._

_ Harry grabbed my knickers and yanked them, ripping them down the sides. Letting them fall, I felt his hands come back to my arse. _

Tears began pouring down my face, yet again, as the memories flooded me. The doubts and self-hate began rooting in my mind again. I would never amount to anything. Who would want someone so dirty and broken? I would never find myself a man, let alone a good one.

Sometimes, particularly in times like these, I hated my decision to keep all this to myself. I hated not having any friends anymore. Times like this, when I was lonely, when I needed a shoulder to cry on, I wished I had a friend to talk to. _Where were all these awesome friends when you needed them? Why was there no one around to make me feel better? I could definitely use a good strong hug right about now. _

I curled up further in my chair, pulling my feet up under me. It brought me a small bit of comfort that I couldn't explain.

Something caught my eye. A book that I had been reading before everything went downhill sat on the table in front of me. I thought for a moment about just throwing it in the fire as I wiped my face. There was too much of the old Hermione left in me, though. I just couldn't bring myself to throw it away. I just couldn't do that to any literature. I had too much respect for the work itself and the author.

I picked it up slowly, staring at it as if I had never seen a book before. It struck me like lightening how much this one incident changed me. I had completely changed who I was. _Can I be alright with that? Can I accept the new Hermione? If I can't what do I do? _

Taking yet another drink from the bottle in my hand, I set the book back down. I couldn't bring myself to open it anymore. _If I can't even open it, will I ever be able to read another word? _I finished off the bottle and threw it into the fire.

Stumbling into my bedroom, I didn't care about anything. I didn't care about eating. I didn't care about turning off lights. Nothing mattered to me anymore. I couldn't remember the last time I took a shower, brushed my teeth, or even my hair. I never went anywhere but work and the liquor store. I certainly wasn't there to impress anyone.

_Tomorrow I'll think about eating. Tomorrow._

__**A/N: Remember, reviews are as sweet as chocolate spilled over a naked Draco.**


	5. Chapter 5: Help Me?

**A/N: Special thanks go out to the ladies at PTB for helping me with this chapter. You never cease to make me look good! **

**Also, thanks to all those who have put me on alert and reviewed me. It means the world to me.**

Damn the mini leprechauns inside my head. They had mini pick axes and were hacking was nothing new. The bastards showed up every morning to greet me in the wee hours. It never failed. I would come out of the black hole that swallowed me every evening to the pounding of gold digging in my head.

I hated the pounding but the peaceful nights made it worth it. The tranquility of sound sleep meant less screaming at night, less nightmares. At least for those few hours, I didn't have to worry that Harry would find me. I wouldn't have to see him raping me every time I closed my eyes.

There was something different that morning. I woke up with a resolve. Deciding that was the last time I would wake up to headaches, I walked over to the floo in my bedroom. "Blackhart's Wizarding Bookstore," I said as I dropped the powder to the floo floor. The fire turned green and I stuck my head in.

The bookstore appeared before me. Gerald Blackhart walked into my line of vision. "What's wrong, Hermione?"

"I won't be coming back in, Gerald. I quit."

He didn't look happy. In fact, he looked concerned. "Hermione, whatever is going on with you, this isn't the way to deal with it. Come on through and we'll talk."

"No, Gerald. I'm quitting. That's it." I cut the connection and went to the kitchen. Grabbing a bottle of fire whiskey from the cabinet above the sink, I turned and slammed the door closed. I sighed in relief as I took the first drink.

Taking another, I looked at the stove. _Really should make some eggs and bacon. I need to eat. Then again, what's the point? Eating is just a waste of time and it would more than likely make me sick anyways._ Deciding that eating could wait, I whipped around and walked back to my bedroom. Throwing myself back onto my bed, I stared at the ceiling.

Over the last few months, I had banished everyone from my life. It was days like this, days when I had nothing to do, no one to talk to, that I felt the loneliest.

I took another drink from the bottle as memories from my time at Hogwarts flooded me. They were some of the only keepsakes I had of a much happier season of my life. The fire whiskey heated my throat on its way down, the bottle cold against my lips.

The whiskey started to make my head spin with memories, flooding my brain, swirling faster and faster. The day I first met Ron flowed into my mind's eye. I remember feeling embarrassed and nervous at the sight of him. The sudden emotions of my first crush had made my mouth clench shut, not letting me say anything to him more than "Hi" for a long time.

I remembered the day, not too long after, when he broke his wand and still tried to protect me, cursing Malfoy for calling me dirty names. The spell bounced back and made Ron spit up slugs for hours. The humiliation I felt later telling Hagrid about the incident filled me once again, causing me to swallow more and more alcohol to try to drown out the feeling.

As I continued to drink, I saw Harry introducing himself to me during our first year. That day, I never would have thought he would turn out like he did. I remember that I had actually had a small crush on him that day, a little star-struck. He didn't look twice at me, though. In fact, he and Ron hated me to begin with. It was all thanks to a giant ogre that we even began talking in the first place.

More whiskey warmed my throat. Drinking was the only way I could get through the day when the memories took over. That same year, the three of us were forced to put our lives on the line playing a human version of Wizard's chess to save the wizarding world for the first time. We had to play to be able to stop Professor Quirrel from finding the Philosopher's Stone. It was the most fun I had ever had. Looking back, the memory still makes me smile. For the first time in our young friendship, we worked together. Our whole friendship, we worked well as a team. Sure, Harry got all the credit, but it was still nice to be a part of something so amazing.

The room began to spin a little as I rolled over to stare out the window at the world outside. It continued to move forward as my life was stuck. I was completely caught up in the past as I drank. Lives continued on as mine was bogged down by pain. People were probably getting married out there. I never would. The fantasy world I had lived in for years, the bubble that had surrounded me, was gone. I finally knew what evil lurked out there from firsthand experience.

Another memory floated into my mind's eye. I saw Harry in the TriWizard Tournament being chased by that huge dragon. It turned out to be a Hungarian Horntail, the most vicious of the dragons available to the contestants. Thankfully, he had thought to Accio his broom. I remember being scared to death that he was going to die. That fire-breathing monster came close to succeeding at just that many times during the challenge, but Harry steered his broom like a pro. It was amazing.

Taking another drink, I thought about how every wizard in London thought Harry was extraordinary. Truly he was for killing Voldemort and saving our world, but during our time at Hogwarts, he began to change. I didn't realize that at the time, but looking back, I saw it. My respect and sibling-like love for him made me blind, but as the Muggles say, "Hindsight is 20/20."

There were small things over the years – things he said to me that would make me uncomfortable, touches that were inappropriate. I didn't think much about them at the time, but over the past months, I realized that they should have sent up red flags warning me of things to come. I should have known, should have done something. But that's how hindsight is; it haunts you with the possibilities of what should have happened, what you should have done.

I tried to take another drink, but groaned when nothing poured down my throat. Shaking the bottle, there wasn't even a drop left. Groaning again as I rolled over and sat up, the world began to spin.

_Need more alcohol. I need to find more alcohol. I can't make it through the day without it. I can't live without it_ was all that ran through my mind. I couldn't think of anything else. A part of me knew that I might hurt myself, but that didn't seem to matter. There was the risk of alcohol poisoning or falling down from stumbling due to drunkenness, but none of that mattered anymore. I had to make the memories and heartbreak go away.

Stumbling into the kitchen, my vision began to blur. There wasn't any fire whiskey left in my flat. I decided that I absolutely had to go buy more. There was no other way around it. There was no other way to make everything stop – the memories, the haunting of the _incident_, hearing Harry's voice. I had to make it all stop. It had to go away.

I made my way out of my flat without anything devastating happening. Thank Merlin for that. Living on the fourth floor, there were plenty of chances for me to fall down the steps and die. _Dying. Now, that would make everything stop. That would make it all go away. Then I could finally sleep peacefully for eternity; like I hadn't slept in months._ Never before in my life had I thought about suicide, but how else could I make things go away? I had always thought people who killed themselves were cowards, but now I understood. I understood the desperation they felt. I understood their need to get away from life. This is what Harry had done to me. This is what my life had become in the past few months.

Stepping into the liquor store, I took a deep breath. I loved the smell of stale alcohol now. It meant comfort to me. It meant that soon my nightmare would end. Grabbing two large bottles of fire whiskey off the shelf, I walked to the counter. I made my purchase and made my way outside.

Taking the top off the first bottle, I took a large drink from the bottle as I walked outside. That's how low I had become. I was a drunkard, just a useless piss-artist on a never-ending bender. There was nothing to me any more than that.

I turned and walked toward my building, slowly getting more and more drunk. Nearing my home, a man came up beside me. My skin began to crawl as I walked. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. I began to shake from nerves. I was so scared. Nothing made sense, though.

Everything about him scared me and made me cringe. He was dirty; every inch of him seemed to be covered in it. The smell of him reminded me of the alley where Harry changed my life. I kept my head down as I walked, refusing to take another drink. What had happened months ago could not happen again, and the only way to stop it was to stay as sober as possible. It seemed as though the stress of the situation had drained every drop of alcohol from my system. I almost cried at the thought.

"Hey, I could make all your problems go away," I heard a raspy voice say from beside me.

I couldn't stop myself from halting my movements. The promise of escaping all my problems was too good not to take a chance on this guy. "How's that?" I asked once I had stopped and turned toward him.

He pulled a vial from under his robes. The contents appeared to be a shiny purple substance in the light from the street lamps. "It's called 'pozione di uccidere'."

"What does it do?"

"It makes everything go away. You won't feel pain any longer."

"How much?"

"300 galleons," he told me without hesitation.

I had never heard of this potion before and I had read almost every book on magical potions I could. How had I never read anything about this purple potion before? I didn't even know what the name meant. This almost worried me, but I couldn't pass up this opportunity to feel nothing.

"I'll take three," I said without thinking any further. Reaching into my robes, I pulled out the money and gave it to him. He gave me the vials I had purchased and walked away.

I stared at them a moment before hurriedly taking off all three caps and downing all the contents. Immediately, I began to feel stabbing in my stomach. It felt as though knives were forcing themselves into my body over and over from every direction. My hands covered it but surprisingly I didn't feel any wetness. How could this be? I had to be bleeding.

The world began to spin and I fell to my knees. I couldn't stand. Crawling my way toward my building, I felt tiny pieces of gravel from the walkway embed themselves into my knees and hands. I began to cough as I became more addled. After a few moments, I couldn't even crawl. I found myself lying face down in the dirt. _Why does this keep happening to me? This is what I get for taking potions from someone who looks as though he lives in Knockturn Alley. Damn black magic wizard! _

DPOV

My footsteps echoed along the pavement as I walked home. I hadn't lived here long; just came back after living in magical Russia for the previous four years. As much as I liked it there, I much preferred Magical London. It was much quieter after Voldemort died.

I very much regretted the role I played in the war. Every day since, I felt guilt over having taken the mark back then. Each attempt I had made to remove it was futile. Nothing I did worked. I hated the mark. It was as though Voldemort was still with me, watching my every move. There were nights I would wake up after a nightmare of him torturing me because of things I had done since the war.

Granted, I still hated Muggles, but I didn't do the things Voldemort had instructed and taught me to, like torturing and killing them. I hated myself for what I had done during his rule.

As I came close to my house, I noticed something on the pavement before me. I slowed my pace as I came closer. _Is that... It can't be..._ I knelt next to her. The hair and clothing were so different than what she would wear. It couldn't be her. But I moved her hair out of her face and I knew. This was Hermione Granger.

I put my fingers to her throat and felt a very soft and slow pulse. She was still alive. _What do I do? She's a Mudblood. I shouldn't... but I can't... _


	6. Chapter 6: Healing

**A/N: Special thanks go out to: ReniRcx and Thir13enth for their help betaing this chapter. You ladies are wonderful. Thanks so much for putting up with me. To my reviewers, I love you. You give me the strength to go on. Those that put me on your alert lists: it means the world to me, but I would love it if y'all would review as well. Reviews are like Draco laying naked in my bed next to me every night. :) **

**Draco's POV**

I wasn't sure what to do; she was a Mudblood. Should I just leave her there to die, or try to help her? Should I kill her and put her out of her misery, or take her to St. Mungo's?

Since the war, I questioned every bit of my privileged upbringing. Every word, every belief my parents instilled in me growing up was examined. _Are Mudblood's worth my time? Are they as good at wizardry as Pure Bloods?_ Well that was obvious. Granger had always been the best witch in our class; clearly better than I._ Should all Mudbloods be killed? Should all Muggles be murdered in cold-blood like animals at the slaughter, tortured as if they were nothing worthy of love?_

_ Was it all worth it? Was this scrutiny from every person I came across since the war worth it to be able to call myself a Death Eater, a Malfoy? _Because of my internal war, I moved to Russia. Being around my parents, the same people I was questioning, was just too difficult for me to stay in London. I wasn't even sure I knew who they truly were anymore. Did I even agree with what they supported any longer?

The longer I questioned, the more uncomfortable around them I became. The problem was: old habits die hard. I couldn't stop looking at Mudbloods like Granger as if they were something I should kill, yet I didn't know if I supported Voldemort's ideals. So, while in Russia, I had hidden myself away from society. I didn't trust myself. I couldn't trust that if I were to meet a Mudblood or Muggle on the street that I wouldn't kill them.

I looked back at Granger as my inner struggle continued. _Avada or St. Mungo's? Avada or St. Mungo's? _

She moaned and started to cough horribly. It sounded wet. My eyes whipped to her mouth and I saw blood seeping from it. In that moment, I didn't even think. I grabbed her hand, took out my wand, and quickly apparated to the wizarding hospital.

Later, I was sitting in the waiting room. The Healers had told me I was to stay there while they worked on her, that after they had her stabilized they had questions to ask me. Trying t fight had been useless. I had begrudgingly accented.

The smell of the hospital almost made me throw up. I hated hospitals. They always made me nervous that I would catch something horrible just by being there. _Who would work in a place like this? Who would want to be around sick people day in and day out? Absolutely mental! _

My eyes roamed the room as I wasted time. It seemed to me as though every hospital in the world was the same. They had the same white walls, white floors, hard as hell chairs. Sick people sat around the room. _I swear I'm going to walk out of here with some devastating disease! _There were people, who had been on the wrong end of a curse gone wrong. People with eyes hanging out, organs on the outside of their bodies, or broken bones. _I'm definitely going to throw up soon._ I closed my eyes and refused to look at anything other than the back of my eyelids until the Healer came out to talk to me.

My breathing slowed as I relaxed against the back of the seat. With my eyes shut, I could imagine I was back in Russia. It was a much happier place than St. Mungo's. I could be sitting in my arm chair in my family room reading by the fire. I could and should be anywhere else doing anything else.

I looked up as I heard soft soled shoes on the tiled floor. The Healer coming toward me was a short, petite woman wearing a white coat with a clipboard in her hand. "Mr. Malfoy?" she asked as she came up to me.

"Yes," I said, standing up.

"Ms. Granger is stabilized. We gave her a counteractive potion that will help heal her organs that were affected by the killing potion, and a sedative to help her sleep and assist in the healing."

I was confused. What the bloody hell did she mean "killing potion"? "I'm-I'm sorry. Did you say 'killing potion'?" She nodded. "There has to be some mistake. I know Granger. She'd never take a killing potion."

She checked her clipboard, flipping through page after page. "No, sir. She took a lot of it, too. Tests show she took five ounces, which is more than enough to kill her. Now, she may not have known what she was drinking. There are some wizards and witches out there, sir, who prey on young, vulnerable women, and they'll call a poisonous potion by a different name just to make the sale."

"Is there any way someone could have forced her to take it?"

"I suppose, but we found no bruising on her body. She was not forced down. She was not forced to take the potion. She took it on her own free will. We also found that her blood alcohol content was .29. She was very drunk, sir. You saved her life by getting her here so quickly. She will need to remain sedated for a few days to give the healing potion time to work. Is there anyone we can contact for her?"

I had already stopped listening. _What the bloody hell? Granger wanting to kill herself?I had to have stepped through to some alternate universe when I came back. There's no way goody-two-shoes Hermione Granger would try to kill herself. She loved life even if she was constantly ridiculed for her blood. _

"Sir?"

My fingers made their way to my chin, rubbing it as my thoughts continued. _Something seriously bad had to have happened to change her like this. _Suddenly, I could see her lying on that sidewalk again. Something hit me. _Even her clothes and hair are different. What the hell? I don't understand this. I can't even comprehend this. It's completely insane. _

"Sir!" the Healer said a bit louder and harsher to get my attention.

My head snapped up to her as my thoughts cleared minutely and I tried to focus back on the Healer. My eyes widened as I tried to figure out what was going on. "Yes?"

"I asked if there was anyone I could contact for her. Any family? Friends?"

I couldn't think all of a sudden. It was like my brain went blank, nothing left inside it, nothing except for why Granger would do this to herself. I couldn't think about who to contact. With a shake of my head, the Healer walked away.

My heart went out to Granger. I wasn't sure exactly why, but I felt sorry for her. Knowing Granger, whatever had happened was huge. She had changed her clothes, her hair, and now she was drinking heavily and trying to kill herself. It was all so different from the Granger I remembered from school. Back then, she had always been straight arrowed and carefree. She was one of those people who loved life, and loved those around her fiercely. I couldn't imagine who she had turned into when she tried to commit suicide.

I began to wonder if it was because of Potter and Weasel. I knew in school she and Weasel had a thing going. They all seemed very close, but Granger and Ron seemed like they would be married by now. There had been no ring on her finger, but I knew that meant nothing. She could still be with him. _Could he have done something to her? Did he really have the balls to do something? _

Whatever changed her had to have something to do with one or both of them. As far as I knew, they were the closest friends she had. Were they dead? _I could only wish, but Merlin doesn't love me that much! _

Besides, I knew they were still alive. Just because I had been out of the country and it had been several years since the war didn't mean I didn't keep track of the duo. Harry Potter, boy wonder, the-boy-who-lived was still constantly in the paper. His achievements in taking down still-loyal Voldemort followers were always front page news. He was still continuing to do great things for the wizarding world after school.

Knowing Ronald Weasley, he was probably still the little puppy dog he had been in school; following Potter around as if he had no mind of his own. Weasleys could never think for themselves. They had to do whatever other people did.

Everyone in Hogwarts had known that Weasley had never done anything to help Potter in all in escapades except to be another pair of hands. He didn't have strength. He didn't have brains. What could he have done to help take down Voldemort, honestly?

The Healer put a hand on my arm, briinging me out of my thoughts. "Sir, are you alright?"

I nodded my head and was able to once again focus on her face. _What had she asked me?_

It was two days later that Granger finally came out of her "potion induced coma."_ Weren't comas bad? _I don't think I would ever truly understand that. If comas were such bad things, why would Healers purposely put patients in them?

If someone were to have asked why I stayed at St. Mungo's Wizarding Hospital with Granger, I would have told them I had nowhere else to go. I might as well stay. At least there I had charmed the Healers and received three meals a day and a bed.

The truth was none of that mattered. I could have just gone to my parents' place and dealt with them. I really stayed so I could find out the truth from Granger, herself, what had happened to put her here.

I walked into her private room with two cups of pumpkin juice to find Granger sitting up and aware.

"Malfoy?" she asked as I walk in.

"Granger."

"What are you doing here?" Her voice was raspy from the tubes they had put down her throat. It sounded as though someone had taken sandpaper to her throat, very rough sand paper.

"I'm the one who found you, Granger."

"Ah." She struggled to sit up, and groaned as I set the cups of juice down and helped her. "Well, you shouldn't have done that, should have just left me there."

I was shocked. She really had changed, and a lot! The Granger I went to school with would never have said something like that. She would have jumped up and thanked her savior emphatically from the bottom of her heart. This Granger, though, was a stranger to me. I had never met anyone like her. Never in my life had I met someone who wished to die.

With my eyes raised, I stared at her in shock. "What happened to you, Granger?" I asked, sitting in the chair next to her bed. I watched as she reached her hand out silently for one of the cups of the juice I had brought. I grabbed it before she could and she threw herself back against the pillows. "Granger." I waited until she looked at me. "What happened?"

"What's it to you? You never cared about me unless you could use the information against me. So don't you dare sit there and act like you're concerned for my well-being." She turned her head so she couldn't see me.

"Well, I know it had to have been something bad for you to change yourself like this and try to commit suicide." I waited for a moment. Sniffles began to fill the air around me.

My heart stopped beating and clenched in my chest. _Who hurt you, Granger? What happened?_

I waited in silence as her tears abated. My voice quiet so as to not send a stab of fear coursing through her, I asked, "Granger, is there someone I can get here for you? Your parents? Potter? Weasley?"

Her body straightened and froze. "My parents are dead. Your _lord_ killed them years ago in the war."

I had to lean forward and strain to hear her. When I had seen her soon after the war, she hadn't changed at all. Sure she was sad, but I didn't think her parents' death had caused a change this severe. "What about Potter or Weasley?"

"If you call them, I swear to Merlin I will succeed next time."

Knowing she was talking about killing herself for good if I even thought about calling those she once claimed as her friends, my head bowed in sympathy for her. It was at that moment that I knew they were the ones who had caused everything that had happened. I vowed then and there, I would figure out what had happened and kill whoever was responsible for taking the light from her eyes; the light I used to love turning into to fire whenever it was possible.


	7. Chapter 7: Changes

**A/N: So sorry this is late. Life has been insane with the Torch Awards. (If you haven't heard about those, it's an awards sponsored by my site, Impassionate Magic. Head to my profile for the link.) **

**Also, major thanks go out to ReniRcx and Thir13****enth for betaing this chapter and put up with my insane grammar. I love you , ladies! You're amazing and have helped me grow as an author. You encourage me with every word you say. **

**Major thanks also go out to all my reviewers. I love you, too. You're words encourage me every week. Also, to those who have put me on alert... Much love. **

"Ms. Granger, you're free to go, but you'll need to have someone taking care of you. You're on strict bed rest for three days while your body heals the rest of the way. Do you have somewhere you can go? Someone who can take care of you?" the healer asked as the paperwork was readied for Granger's release.

The short black haired woman that seemed an enigma to me seemed deep in thought for a moment, biting her lip as she stared out the window. Then, as softly as she could, causing me to lean forward to hear, she whispered, "Yes, ma'am. I can stay at my flat and one of my friends will stay with me." She never took her eyes off the world outside as she spoke.

Years of living with Lucius Malfoy had taught me how to recognize when someone was being deceitful. Her lack of eye contact told me as sure as words that she was lying through those not-so-large teeth.

I still remember that time in fourth year when I fought Potter in the hallway of Hogwarts. My Densaugeo spell missed him, but hit Granger, causing her beaver-like teeth to grow even more grotesque. The image of her covering her mouth and running toward the hospital wing of the castle, tears pouring down her face, shock and embarrassment clouding her face, still made a part of me chuckle.

When she had finally emerged later that day, her teeth looked better than ever. For the first time, I was able to see her clearly. She was actually a very beautiful girl. At that time, however, there had been nothing I could do. Her Mudblood status still clouded any feelings that might have developed. How could a Death Eater have anything to do with someone with such dirty blood?

Shaking my head to clear the memories from it, I heard the Healer saying something else to Granger about her release. "Well, as soon as your friend gets here, you can leave."

"No one's coming."

"But, you said you would have someone to help you while you're on bed rest," the Healer asked, confusion easily heard in her voice and seen in her expression as she spoke.

"Someone will be there, but they won't be picking me up," Granger argued.

I decided that if this issue was ever going to be resolved, I would have to step in. "Ma'am, would it be alright if I took her home?" When the Healer smiled and nodded, something occurred to me. "How is that going to work? Is she fit enough to apparate? Or even walk on her own?"

"No, but she can use the floo network. She could use the floo here and come out in her apartment."

Granger was slowly and carefully shaking her head. "No, I have wards up that won't let him in." She paused to look me in the eye for the first time. "You could floo to the bar down the street, but from there I don't know."

An idea came to me, but as I lifted my wand, I wasn't sure what I was doing. _Motherfucking... Why am I going to such lengths to help her? _My wand seemed to move on its own accord, and before our eyes, the chair beside Granger's bed, transfigured into a wheelchair.

The Healer's eye lit up. "What a wonderful idea, Mr. Malfoy! You could floo to the bar and then wheel her to her flat."

It sounded like a good plan. Everything would work out. In just under an hour, I would be rid of her. I wouldn't have to even think about her after I left her in her home.

We flooed to the bar and began our walk; I wheeled to toward her flat. Walking down that road, I was thrown back to the night I found her laying on the street. Knives seemed to stab in my throat as I remembered thinking she was dead.

It was hard to shake the overwhelming feelings of despair, but I fought them off as we journeyed to her flat door. All of a sudden I wasn't sure why I had agreed to do this. There were so many things coming out of my mouth, so many decisions that I was making that didn't make sense to me anymore.

I was a former Death Eater. The mark still haunted me from its placement on my arm every time I cleansed myself. So, why did I say those things? Why did I do those things, feel those emotions that constantly racked my whole body when I was near her? I mentally banged my head against a wall in frustration with myself. Why did I care if she got home alright? Why did I care if she killed herself? There was a time when I would have celebrated her attempt. For some reason, there was no celebrating, only worry.

"Why are you doing this, Malfoy? Why do you care so much about me? No one cares about me anymore." Her face fell as she spoke. Misery clouded her eyes. She was obviously haunted by something huge and horrifying.

I put my hand on her shoulder and she stiffened, shrinking away from me. Slowly, I lowered my hand to my side once again. Curiosity clenched my stomach and sorrow for her dampened my eyes. "What happened to you? One day you're a happy-go-lucky girl, who loved the world, especially her friends. Now, you hate yourself. You look like death warmed over and act like nothing matters. I can see whatever it was had an immeasurable effect on you, but I do think you'd feel better if you talked about it."

Tears overflowed her eyes as she shook her head. She turned, checking the protective and locking wards before unlocking her door. "Oh no. No, no, no, no, no. This can't be," she whispered frantically.

I began to worry. "What's going on, Granger?"

"The wards are gone. Someone's broken in. I knew this would happen. Why didn't I move after it hap-" She stopped talking abruptly. Tears made their way quickly down her face.

Once her door was open, we made our way inside in shock. Her flat was completely torn apart. Chairs were upended, and the tables her standing against the wall, or overturned. Papers were strewn everywhere, as were boxes of food.

Leaving her in the wheelchair in the family room, I made my way to the bedroom down the hall. The door was open, so I went inside. What I saw made me stop in my tracks. Clothes, jewelry, blankets, and underwear were all thrown about. There wasn't an inch of floor space to walk on. I was blown away.

The mess was nothing compared to what caught my eye next. There on the wall someone had written, "You should be dead." It appeared to have been etched by magic. _Who would do this? Why would they do something like this?_

Quickly, I shut the door and walked back down the hall. No one should have to see their bedroom like that. No one should have to stay in their flat when someone is clearly out to get them.

I found Granger standing in the middle of the family room, hands on her hips, looking very upset. "Who do you think could have done this?" I quietly asked her, not wanting to scare her any more than she already was.

She didn't turn toward me, only continued to stare at the mess she had once called her home in a daze for a moment. Finally, she threw her hands up in frustration. "I don't know. Why do you think I would know? Who do I know who could even conceive to do something like this? My friends are not criminals like yours!"

I tried not to take offense. She was upset right then, and more than likely, didn't even know what she was saying. So, I decided to just blow off her little...episode. "Why don't you floo Weasley or Potter, and ask if you can stay with them for a few days so I can leave?"

She looked fearful for a moment, but quickly recovered. "No. I can't impose on them." Beginning to pick up her belongings from the floor to put them back in place, she mumbled something to herself. I couldn't hear it but I knew it wasn't good from her tone of voice.

"If you won't stay with them, why don't you come stay with me?"

_ What? What was I saying? A Mudblood staying at my house? What the hell? What if Mum and Father pop in for a visit? How am I going to hide Dirt Blood over there? I'm officially insane. Lock me up in the psych ward! _

She must have thought I was insane, too. Her eyes and mouth flew open at my suggestion. "You're crazy! I can't stay at your house!"

"Why?" I folded my arms over my chest in challenge. She obviously wouldn't have any reason not to. What was she going to do – stay here, where whoever trashed her place could come back and kill her? Not bloody likely.

"Because... Well, because..." she stammered.

If she kept flapping her lips like that, I was going to start thinking she might be part fish! "Come on, Granger. Tell me why you want to stay here. Why would you ever want to stay in a place that looks like this?"

"It's still my home even if it does look like shite." She looked indignant for a moment. "You hate me, Malfoy. Why would you want me to stay at your place?"

"I don't, but you need a place to stay. I don't know why you won't stay with your friends, but you can't stay here. Seems to me it's not safe anymore."

She finally conceded after a bit more convincing. Really, what argument did she have?

Not long after, we walked to my house down the street. I showed her around a bit, ending with the guest room; in which she would be sleeping. Leaving her to get settled and lay down, I walked down the stairs to sit in front of the fire. I whistled and immediately my house elf, Nela, appeared before me.

Bowing low, she said, "What may I do for you, Master Draco?"

"Make dinner. We have a guest in the spare bedroom. She will need her food taken to her as she is on bed rest. Make sure she stays there. Also, get me a drink," I responded, using a formal tone with her.

"Yes, sir," she said, bowing low again, and disappeared. Seconds later, she reappeared with my drink. After delivering it, Nela vanished.

Once she was gone, I stared into the fire. Sighing, I took a sip of my drink. _What have I done? What kind of Death Eater houses a Mudblood? A bad one. At least I won't have to deal with her. _Nela would take care of that. She'd keep Granger in bed and I could forget she was even there. Life could be back to normal again, back to before Granger came back into my life.

Unfortunately, no one had ever told me once things change, they're never the same again.

**A/N: don't forget to click the link below and let me know what you thought. **


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